Management

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

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You Know You're Addicted to the Internet if:

- A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!
- You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
- You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
- You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.
- Tech support calls YOU for help.
- You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
- You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
- You say......."Where did the time go??"
- You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
- .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
- Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
- Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
- Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP".
- You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
- You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.

Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than.................punch a 5th grader
Strike while the.........................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..............daylight savings time
Never underestimate the power of............termites.
You can lead a horse to water but ...........how?
Don't bite the hand that.......................looks dirty.
No news is.........................impossible.
A miss is as good as a........................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog.....................math.
If you lie down with dogs, you........will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust........................me.
The pen is mightier than......................the pigs.
An idle mind is......................the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there's..............pollution.
Happy is the bride who..................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is.........................not much.
Two is company, three's.....................The Musketeers.
None are so blind as.....................Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed.................get new batteries.
You get out of something what you.......see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind................get out of the way.
There is no fool like...........................Aunt Edie.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and.......you have to blow your nose.

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The Language of Science

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think.

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think so, too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong.

"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it.

"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of Kool-Aid.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't understand it either.

"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit.

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A stewardess was getting very annoyed by 3 little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom and whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting and complaining about. Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time that the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.

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The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip. They made a large sign, CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP, and on the given Saturday business was very good. But by two o'clock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea. She printed a very large poster which said, WE WASH (then an arrow pointing skyward) GOD RINSES. Business boomed!

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Even More Bumper Stickers

- What if the hokey pokey is what it's all about?

- Back up my hard drive? How do i put it in reverse?

- He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

- Honk if anything falls off

- How do i set my laser printer to stun?

- Dare to keep cops off donuts

- I do whatever my rice krispies tell me to

- I fought the lawn and the lawn won.

- Montana - at least the cows are sane

- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

- She's always late. her ancestors arrived on the juneflower.

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies, "Yeah, it was the least I could do. We were married 35 years."

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A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.

He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500.

When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?"

The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?"

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Differences Between You and Your Boss...

When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough...

When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy...

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human...

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative...

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed. When your boss does it, he's being firm...

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing. When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative...

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he's on business...

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick. When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill...

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked...

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Because I'm a Man...

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items Like "Cumin" or "Tofu" For all I know these are the same thing. And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger I mean, how could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom too!!

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just get out of here now?

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THE CHASE

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a cop following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.

When she looked back again, there were 2 cops following her. She shot up to 90 mph. The next time she looked around, there were 3 cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The 3 cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

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Read the following tongue-twisters:

This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is fool cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word, in each line, from the start

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Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why Americans have not adopted it:

A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

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Guaranteed to roll your eyes:

What did the mushroom say when he was kicked out of the nightclub?

"Don't kick me out, I'm a fun-guy!"

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Doesn't Ad Up - Funny Ads that have been run

- The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

- In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

- Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

- The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be empty."

- When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets as the Caribe.

- When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

- An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope", in Spanish the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

- In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

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Mom and Dad were trying to console the little kid. "You know, it's not your fault that the dog died". The little kid was having none of it. Dad said, "You know, he's probably up in heaven right now with God." The little kid said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

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Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, everybody thinks you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE GETTING OLDER WHEN.....

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

6. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

7. You say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.

8. All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

9. You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

10. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

11. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

12. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

13. Getting "lucky" means you remember where you left your car in the parking lot.

14. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

15. It takes twice as long -- to look half as good.

16. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt -- doesn't work.

17. You sink your teeth into a steak -- and they stay there.

18. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

19. You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.

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A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled."

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"

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Company Policy

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third original monkey with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well.

Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, all the monkeys that have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced.

Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been around here.

And that's how company policy begins..........

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MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME...

My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home."

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me about RELIGION...
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about IRONY...
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM...
"Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck?!"

And finally, my mother taught me about JUSTICE...
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

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One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school the teacher punished me for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this right away! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?" "My homework," she replied...

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The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear" she asked.

The little boy replied "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the doggone walls if you came to visit us again."

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Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "Congratulations! That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

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PROFESSION: NAME

- Lawyer's daughter: Sue
- Thief's son: Rob
- Lawyer's son: Will
- Doctor's son: Bill
- Meteorologist's daughter: Haley
- Steam shovel operator's son: Doug
- Hair Stylist's son: Bob
- Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb
- Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary
- Sound stage technician's son: Mike
- Hot-dog vendor's son: Frank
- Gambler's daughter: Bette
- Exercise guru's son: Jim
- Cattle Thief's son: Russell
- Painter's son: Art
- Iron worker's son: Rusty
- TV show star's daughter: Emmy
- Movie star's son: Oscar
- Barber's son: Harry

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The Test

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to go to a party instead and they didn't get any studying done.

When they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.

Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."

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The Light Bulb...

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found a patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. A second patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of the first patient what the other patient was doing. The first patient replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices the second patient's face is going all red.

The doctor asks the first patient, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself." The first patient replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

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Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

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Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could have married.

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The president went to visit a nursing home. He walked up to a lady in a wheel chair and said, "Maam, do you know who I am?" She answered, "No sir I don't know who you are but if you go up to that desk they can tell you."

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On a trip to the zoo, I made a casual stroll by the cage of a laughing hyena. A young man was leaning over the bar at the edge of the cage, whispering something in the animal's direction. As I stepped closer, I heard him say, "Did you hear the one about..."

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As a rule, Man's a fool. When it's hot, He wants it cool. And when it's cool, He wants it hot, Always wanting What is not.

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What Your Computer Is Trying To Tell You:

It says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 30 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\<Directory>...." It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11" It means: "Because I know there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory" It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...." It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...." It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...." It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back. Kiss your afternoon goodbye..."

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Useful English System conversions/units:

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League

3. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton

4. 1 millionth mouthwash = 1 microscope

5. Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = Mach Turtle

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong

7. 365.25 days of eating nothing but low-calorie food = 1 lite year

8. One half large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1000 aches = 1 megahertz

10. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

12. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

13. 15453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

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The Craziest Language

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

The one fowl is goose, but two are called geese.
Yet the plural of moose, should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest of mice.
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot, and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.

When we say brother, we say brethren.
But though we may say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim.

So, English I fancy you will agree
Is the craziest language that you ever did see.

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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
 Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
 "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
 It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
 He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
 And they say blondes are dumb..

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 It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of
 the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
 mowed the lawn like this?"

 "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
 

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 A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some
 arsenic.

 Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

 To kill my husband.

 " I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

 The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising
 position.

 The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife. He takes
 the photo and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"
 

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 A PRAYER....

 Dear Lord,

 I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
 Love to forgive him;
 And Patience for his moods.
 Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
 I'll beat him to death. AMEN

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