From Victim To Victory

As I grew up I went through some rough times, as we all seem to go through. My daddy was a good provider for his family. We always had food to eat, clothes to wear, and a place to live. One thing my daddy didn't seem to give me that everyone needs is love. I never remember hearing my daddy say to me, "I love you". The way he showed his love to me gave me the wrong idea about love.

My daddy began drinking when I was 6 years old. He would get violent and sometimes was abusive. I didn't understand why he did those things, because I thought that he loved us, and I thought I could trust him. As he continued to abuse me for many, many years, I began to have feelings of hurt, fear, worthlessness, anger, bitterness, and hate. I thought that nobody cared about me. The trust I had for my daddy and anyone else was destroyed. I was afraid to love or to be loved, because I thought that love would hurt. I was afraid of people, because I thought they were going to hurt me. Even after the abuse stopped my heart continued to hurt. Thirty-one years of my life was full of hurt, fears, hate, anger, and bitterness. I felt worthless. I began searching for something to take the place of the hurts that I had in my life. I tried many things hoping to get rid of the hurts and fears that I had, but nothing I tried seemed to help. I thought that there was nothing that could be done to give me peace in my heart. I finally just gave up on myself. I felt hopeless.

Although I gave up on myself, God didn't give up on me. He led me into situations or he brought people into my life that He used to help me find the peace for which I had been searching for so many years. One thing that I didn't understand was the true meaning of love. To help me understand love, God put me with a group of people who showed me what true God-like love is by their actions. They didn't just tell me that they loved me, they showed me love by the things that they did.

Because I needed to forgive my daddy, God led me to someone who helped me understand about forgiveness. I was so desperate for peace that I was willing to try anything; even forgiveness. Whenever I remembered something that my daddy did that hurt me, I would pray and ask God to help me forgive my daddy with the kind of forgiveness that God had forgiven me. I asked God to give me His strength and His power to forgive my daddy, because I knew I couldn't do it on my own. After praying this prayer for some time over and over again, a sweet peace and joy filled my life. The hurts, anger, fears, hate, and bitterness are now gone forever, and they have been replaced with God's peace, happiness, hope, love, and joy. God picked up the broken pieces of my life and put them back together. God did what nobody else could do. He did what I couldn't even do for myself. Even when I gave up on myself, God didn't give up on me. Through God's forgiveness of my sins I found eternal joy and peace, and through forgiving those who had hurt me, I found comfort and healing for my heart that was hurting. I once was a victim, but now I am the victor. I have the victory through the blood of Jesus Christ. I give Him all the glory for everything He has done for me and for the changes He has made in my life.

Glenda Marsh