ONLY JESUS 

Testimony given by Denise Adams Adamsville Church of God -- Sunday, March 28, 2004

If you could have seen me before the Savior found me, then you would understand the change He has made in my life. Many of you did know who I was. I was raised in the Church of God. However, at the age of about 7 years old, I began to be sexually abused. I was made to believe that it was my fault and I would get into bad trouble, and horrible things would happen to my family if I told my parents or anyone else. Even now, this is probably a surprise to any family members here today. This brainwashing and abuse continued for many years. I lived my childhood in shame and fear with this painful secret, all the while sitting in church every service. In Sunday School every week, I was hearing about how much God loved me and how GOD COULD DO ANYTHING!! I wanted to believe that. I wanted God to make it stop. But He didn't. I became rebellious and angry at God and distrustful of people.

In spite of that, at the age of 18, I fell in love, was engaged to be married, and was looking forward to having a family of my own, only to have my heart broken. I became even more angry, bitter, and spiteful. All of that led me to a point in my life where, if I thought something was wrong, I would deliberately do it and feel like I had gotten a little revenge on God and the world. At the same time I was working long, hard hours to prove to myself that I was worth something. I wanted to reach a point that I would never have to need anyone for anything. I was using this reckless behavior to help push the hurt and pain away, but it was quickly taking away my childhood dreams of having a family of my own.

Through the years, my mother would occasionally talk me into coming to church. Sometimes I would sit through the service and wonder if it was possible for me to unravel the mess I'd made of my life, and rise from the depths of sin I had fallen into. I never could. The devil thought he had me, and even I was pretty sure he was right!

I watched my precious mother battle cancer for 8 years and was devastated when she died. Thirty days later, the other rope I felt I held to was cut when my grandmother Statum died. Even then, I consciously made up my mind that I was not about to turn to God in a moment of weakness. However, depression was slowly consuming my mind and my life. I would go home from work in the middle of the day and go to bed. Satan had me convinced that I was dying.

Almost 4 years ago I decided to come to church one Sunday morning and I simply asked God to help me. I told God I needed Him. That day I didn't take time to try and figure out how I was going to unravel my life. I couldn't have anyway, because only Jesus can break those chains. Since that day-Oh the changes God has made in my life.

A couple of weeks after I was asked to adopt Cameron, the Spirit of God spoke to me and I had a mental image of Jesus bent over talking to me with tears in His eyes. He said,

Denise, I never wanted you to be hurt and abused. I wanted to help you. And when it seemed all your dreams were gone, I wanted you to put your hope in me. I could have made it right. And when your heart was totally broken and your world shattered, I wanted to heal your broken heart.

After I turned my mess of a life over to God, the enemy kept haunting me with the question I never felt was answered in my mind. WHY!!! Why did You let that happen? You could have stopped it! You're God. You can do anything! It was only a year or so ago that I feel I began to really understand. It was not as simple as God just stopping it, because there is something that God cannot do. He cannot lie! He cannot go back on his word. He gave Man complete authority on the earth, and because of disobedience, sin entered the world in the form of a serpent. He could not just randomly remove free will from people. I'm sure I heard this many times, and I should have "gotten it" a long time ago. But it never went from my head to my heart. I was beginning to finally grasp it! It was not God's fault. It was sin's fault. The enemy had blinded me from understanding that as a child. But God so loved Denise that He gave His only begotten Son, JESUS. ONLY JESUS could heal my broken heart. ONLY JESUS could break those chains of sin. Isaiah 61:1 says that Jesus was "sent to bind up the broken hearted, and proclaim liberty to the captive". Only Jesus can set us free! And whom the Son has set free is free indeed!!

ONLY JESUS could bring joy to my wasted life, and even now, 30 years later, restore those dreams. I have proof in that beautiful 9-week old son of mine. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I believe there is at least one person here tonight that God is trying to speak to. If He wasn't, then I don't think God would have required this of me. But God wants you to know that, regardless of how old or new YOUR hurt is, regardless of how impossible you think it is for your dreams to come true, and regardless of the mess you might have made, that Jesus and ONLY JESUS can make it all new again.