The Board Room

What a beautiful site; the New York Harbor from the eighty-fourth floor of the World Trade Center. I could see the Statue of Liberty from a distance seemingly so small appearing to be as a toy set. What was I doing here? Just months before, I was completely in the grasp of Satan's addiction bondage with no hope of survival. God had reached down, pulled me loose, and set me on a course of recovery. It happened so fast; I believe you would have to categorize it as a miracle.

So here we were, Dad & I, in a board room with all these investment bankers getting ready to give us over $30 million to build five drug and alcohol rehabilitation hospitals. In 1985, that was a lot of money to me.  God's hand had been in this project from the onset. There is no way a newly recovering drug addict could have accomplished all of this without His will.

At this particular meeting and at previous meetings there was one huge problem. I was fighting a feeling inside my mind and body that only I knew about. During these meetings, I felt as if I was going to die right there in front of everyone. Either I was going to have a heart attack, pass out, or just throw up right on the table. I kept these feelings to myself to prevent the others from seeing my weakness. After all they were investing all this money in me. I needed to show strength.

This time, I was failing. They must know I thought. Had I known at the time, this would have been a moment to look for the red bird. Just at the heat of a major discussion, I felt the deal was going to be stopped. My fear escalated. I had to do something. I did what I always did; I excused myself to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, I could be rescued if I could get to a safe place. In the bathroom, for the first time, I prayed to God to rescue me from this turmoil. Suddenly, I felt a peace come over me that saved me from disaster. God can give you peace if you just ask.

Later, I learned that since I had been numb through all those years of drugs and alcohol abuse, I had sedated all the normal feelings. You see drug addition will kill the spirit that God has placed within us. Since I was recovering, I was finally feeling that spirit and in turn it scared me. The more fear, the more feelings; the more feelings, the greater the fear. When I finally relaxed and accepted the feelings that God had placed there and sought God's peace, I had no more problems with this. The spirit within us is meant to be active and works best when your sites are toward God's will. God does love us. He does provide. If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, or addiction, turn to God. He will be there when no one else will.

Brad Warren